Blogposts
Ventslop
5/13/26: i honestly had a ok day today. did some good art and nothing went bad, i guess, but im still lonely. i have no friends and no partner. thats kind of a lie. i have friends, but i really want more. i cant rely on the same people to make me happy every day, and i cant expect them to always be around. i need more friends....i need it. i just cant find anyone i want to talk to, and i feel like giving up. its just so hard, i want to be included and loved but i cant like....connect with them. so i just stop trying. i should stop that but its so fucking hard. i just want people who like what i like to talk to me, or people who just think im cool. i keep joining servers in hopes of finding friends but its a losing battle. i just want to cry. im gonna be an adult soon and i have so little people in my circle it makes everyday life boring. i hate it, i hate it all. i want to go somewhere happy and loving where everyone wants to be friends with me. im on call with some of my friends as i write this and im just silent because i dont want to bring their mood down with my misery, so im quiet. i hate it here.
5/17/26:
found a potental partner, got some over the counter anxiety/stress medication. i plan to get more. i told my 'friends' off recently, and they apolagized. its been busy for them too, and i feel bad for getting so angry. still, i feel isolated from them. I dont know if we'll talk in the coming weeks. i want to give them space from my anger and i want to give them space to stop being so busy. i'll be looking for a new friend group now, but itll take time and effort. i hope everything goes well. i hope my crush'' likes me back. ill write a bit of a fic in the sidebars to ease my nerves.
6/8/26:
need to get more active with blogging here. anyway, ive been having more detailed thoughts on my relationships and stuff. for future me, the '''''crush'''''' potental partner guy turned out to be another one of those drifter poser losers who jumped on the first woman they saw. nothing happened. waste of my time. outside of that ill stop saying 'my friends' in these posts. ill just do what i usually do in my diary. xxxx has been annoying me a lot lately, like xxx usually does. its par for the course. im not mad xxxx is talking to/ confiding in xxxx, mind you, but its hard not to get irritated by xxxx talking to me about somthing and then going 'ill tell xxxx about this, we're in call right now talking about it!' and proceeding to ignore me for god knows how long because i dont care enough to join. i dont care about a lot of what xxxx tells me honestly, i only care to listen to what xxxx says because xxxx's my friend. not because i actually care about the subject matter. the person xxxx talks to so often is a friend of mine still, sure, so its not xxxx im mad at, its just the ignoring me that i really really hate. esp when we're in the middle of a conversation and xxxx leaves for minutes at a time only to reveal xxxx is on call or, even worse, saying xxxx told xxxx before me and i only got the chopped down lazy version. i get it, i can be a bit unreasonable and angry, but god, just tell me that. dont go to someone else and then tell me later that you told them first. like makes me feel like a 2nd class citizen, it really does. it just makes me upset. feels like theres an unnecicary rift growing between us because i feel like xxxx keeps refusing, randomly, to tell me shit when i keep telling xxx to fucking talk to me. its so annoying and i want to say something about it but i cant be bothered. xxxx told me somthing along the lines of 'it gets to a point where they just dont like you' and i have to agree. if xxxx wants to talk to xxxx over me about things first fine. i dont care. whatever. its so lame that im even annoyed about this but i havent felt distractingly mad over it so thats a good thing. i really need to detach from xxxx. i dont like what xxx does to me and i feel disrespected at times.
5/13/26: i honestly had a ok day today. did some good art and nothing went bad, i guess, but im still lonely. i have no friends and no partner. thats kind of a lie. i have friends, but i really want more. i cant rely on the same people to make me happy every day, and i cant expect them to always be around. i need more friends....i need it. i just cant find anyone i want to talk to, and i feel like giving up. its just so hard, i want to be included and loved but i cant like....connect with them. so i just stop trying. i should stop that but its so fucking hard. i just want people who like what i like to talk to me, or people who just think im cool. i keep joining servers in hopes of finding friends but its a losing battle. i just want to cry. im gonna be an adult soon and i have so little people in my circle it makes everyday life boring. i hate it, i hate it all. i want to go somewhere happy and loving where everyone wants to be friends with me. im on call with some of my friends as i write this and im just silent because i dont want to bring their mood down with my misery, so im quiet. i hate it here.
5/17/26:
found a potental partner, got some over the counter anxiety/stress medication. i plan to get more. i told my 'friends' off recently, and they apolagized. its been busy for them too, and i feel bad for getting so angry. still, i feel isolated from them. I dont know if we'll talk in the coming weeks. i want to give them space from my anger and i want to give them space to stop being so busy. i'll be looking for a new friend group now, but itll take time and effort. i hope everything goes well. i hope my crush'' likes me back. ill write a bit of a fic in the sidebars to ease my nerves.
6/8/26:
need to get more active with blogging here. anyway, ive been having more detailed thoughts on my relationships and stuff. for future me, the '''''crush'''''' potental partner guy turned out to be another one of those drifter poser losers who jumped on the first woman they saw. nothing happened. waste of my time. outside of that ill stop saying 'my friends' in these posts. ill just do what i usually do in my diary. xxxx has been annoying me a lot lately, like xxx usually does. its par for the course. im not mad xxxx is talking to/ confiding in xxxx, mind you, but its hard not to get irritated by xxxx talking to me about somthing and then going 'ill tell xxxx about this, we're in call right now talking about it!' and proceeding to ignore me for god knows how long because i dont care enough to join. i dont care about a lot of what xxxx tells me honestly, i only care to listen to what xxxx says because xxxx's my friend. not because i actually care about the subject matter. the person xxxx talks to so often is a friend of mine still, sure, so its not xxxx im mad at, its just the ignoring me that i really really hate. esp when we're in the middle of a conversation and xxxx leaves for minutes at a time only to reveal xxxx is on call or, even worse, saying xxxx told xxxx before me and i only got the chopped down lazy version. i get it, i can be a bit unreasonable and angry, but god, just tell me that. dont go to someone else and then tell me later that you told them first. like makes me feel like a 2nd class citizen, it really does. it just makes me upset. feels like theres an unnecicary rift growing between us because i feel like xxxx keeps refusing, randomly, to tell me shit when i keep telling xxx to fucking talk to me. its so annoying and i want to say something about it but i cant be bothered. xxxx told me somthing along the lines of 'it gets to a point where they just dont like you' and i have to agree. if xxxx wants to talk to xxxx over me about things first fine. i dont care. whatever. its so lame that im even annoyed about this but i havent felt distractingly mad over it so thats a good thing. i really need to detach from xxxx. i dont like what xxx does to me and i feel disrespected at times.
Go my horde
amalgamate, it/they. this is mainly for venting or ranting, excuse the ugly code.
