Ventslop

5/13/26: i honestly had a ok day today. did some good art and nothing went bad, i guess, but im still lonely. i have no friends and no partner. thats kind of a lie. i have friends, but i really want more. i cant rely on the same people to make me happy every day, and i cant expect them to always be around. i need more friends....i need it. i just cant find anyone i want to talk to, and i feel like giving up. its just so hard, i want to be included and loved but i cant like....connect with them. so i just stop trying. i should stop that but its so fucking hard. i just want people who like what i like to talk to me, or people who just think im cool. i keep joining servers in hopes of finding friends but its a losing battle. i just want to cry. im gonna be an adult soon and i have so little people in my circle it makes everyday life boring. i hate it, i hate it all. i want to go somewhere happy and loving where everyone wants to be friends with me. im on call with some of my friends as i write this and im just silent because i dont want to bring their mood down with my misery, so im quiet. i hate it here. 5/17/26: found a potental partner, got some over the counter anxiety/stress medication. i plan to get more. i told my 'friends' off recently, and they apolagized. its been busy for them too, and i feel bad for getting so angry. still, i feel isolated from them. I dont know if we'll talk in the coming weeks. i want to give them space from my anger and i want to give them space to stop being so busy. i'll be looking for a new friend group now, but itll take time and effort. i hope everything goes well. i hope my crush'' likes me back. ill write a bit of a fic in the sidebars to ease my nerves.